


Do Androids Dream of Sexual Desires?

by etherrealoblivion



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Gen, Humor, Masturbation, No Spoilers, Sexuality Crisis, Very Cheesy, data finds his dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28374732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etherrealoblivion/pseuds/etherrealoblivion
Summary: Data realizes that he experiences pleasant sensations from masturbation. The rest of the crew is rather confused by this new development.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Do Androids Dream of Sexual Desires?

It began with eavesdropping, though Data would surely go on a long spout about how he cannot help what his auditory processors pick up. However, Geordi was no longer surprised when Data came asking questions like, "How does one  _ beat around the bush?" _ or, "What is the colloquialism meant by  _ scoring second base _ ?" The android's way of being naive of something seemingly intuitive to anyone else until it was specifically described was endearing, and to Geordi, it never got old.

This, on the other hand, was rather new territory.

"Geordi, after picking up a conversation between two crew members that I do not understand, I have been unable to get an answer from several sources and I am wondering if I may inquire as to how you experience orgasm?"

Geordi spat out the sip of Hrugar tea he'd been nursing all over the counter in front of him. The bartender on duty gave him what his VISOR could only interpret as a stink-eye.

"You… why… you can't just…." Geordi blathered, unsure if the heat rising in his cheeks was from the warm temperature in Ten-Forward or the rather intrusive question Data had just slapped him with.

The android tilted his head ever so slightly, a small frown creeping onto his face.

"Perhaps I failed to take into account how much humans value their privacy in topics of sexual activity. I miscalculated that the extent of our friendship covered such details of sexual exploits, as many encounters with Commander Riker have shown." A small pause, then," However, he has, on multiple occasions, expressed the idea that 'a gentleman never tells'."

Geordi didn't really have a response to all that but Data was looking annoyingly expectant.

"Uh… Well, I'll agree that guys don't usually ask each other those types of questions. That being said, I also agree that it's only natural for you to have questions about that type of thing. Wait… you said you've been unable to get an answer? Who all have you asked?"

Data didn't blink before saying, "I have asked several crew members around Ten-Forward in the past half hour, including the bartender. They all had what appeared to be less than efficacious reactions so I thought I would ask someone who has had less experience being uncomfortable with my inquires. I see now that even that gesture was not considered appropriate."

"No, no, Data. It's not that it's…" Geordi considered his next words carefully. "Well, I guess it wasn't quite appropriate in the conventional sense. But, I'm still your friend. And I do appreciate that you feel you can come to me with these questions."

"I do not feel. I am—"

"—an android, I know. I'm just thinking…. Maybe this is something to talk to Counselor Troi about. Not that it makes me uncomfortable, necessarily," he quickly added, sensing an hasty (yet unnecessary) apology from Data. "It's just something that she'll be able to explain better, I think."

Data nodded curtly and turned to walk away but Geordi stopped him with one last request.

"Data?" Geordi sheepishly smiled. "Just, don't tell her I said that, would you?"

* * *

Troi, much like Geordi, was used to Data coming in at strange times to ask complex questions that she wasn't sure even she was capable of answering. This particular line of questioning was something that Data had never brought up before. And, although it was a bit awkward, Troi found herself very curious as to how exactly Data experienced sexuality, if at all.

"Well," she began slowly, trying to find the best words that kept seeming out of reach, "most humans experience orgasm through sexual activities or masturbation. But I have to assume that you already knew that bit."

Data nodded, quirking an eyebrow.

"I have read quite a bit of literature on the subject matter of sex as well as watched many pornographic films, but there is very little material on the act of self-pleasure. Furthermore, no one seems to be willing nor wanting to discuss the matter with me."

Troi nodded, fighting the blush that threatened her cheeks. "It can be hard when we're curious about something but no one wants to bring it up."

Strange, how a statement made so easily to a patient took a while to sink in with herself. Deanna knew that several people had questions about how Data's mind worked. A majority of the gossip was about this particular area he was delving into.

"How am I to acquire answers if no one will tell me?"

Had Data been human, one might have mistaken his tone for annoyance. She nearly chuckled at the thought but caught herself on a worry.

"Data…. How many people have you asked about this before me?"

"Including Geordi: five. He asked me the same question. Should I not have inquired to so many people?"

"I'm not sure how to answer that, Data. It is important to ask questions when you aren't sure, but respecting people's privacy is a value that humans cherish. I'd like to ask you to come to me first with any questions you have on the matter of sexuality."

"Certainly. But you have yet to answer my question Counselor."

She smiled placatingly. "I, too cherish my privacy, Data. And it would be inappropriate to discuss my own experiences of such a thing with a patient."

"I see," Data said, a hint of disappointment on his tone.

Troi had several different ideas on how to address this matter more befittingly. But the easiest one seemed to be the most obvious, and she had to admit she probably should have recommended it long ago.

"Data," she started, leaning forward in her chair just a bit to convey care and closeness. (She had found it put clients a bit more at ease to see her in an open position. A strange thought, as Data wasn't truly capable of being at ease.) "If I may ask, have you ever tried experiencing self-pleasure?"

His response was immediate. "I do not have emotions. I cannot experience pleasure as a human ca—"

"But Data," Troi interrupted. "Have you ever tried?"

That seemed to make him hesitate.

"No. I have not. I assumed that I did not have adequate receptors to experience pleasure from the sensation of masturbation. I do have all of the correct parts that a male human would use to do so. I suppose if Doctor Soong created me with these parts, it is possible he expected me to attempt to—"

"Yes, well.  _ Ahem _ . Um. You never know until you try. I suggest that tonight, take some time for yourself and experiment with some things. See if there's anything that sparks your interest."

Data glanced away, tilting his head with a little 'hmm' and stood abruptly. "Thank you, Counselor. This has been most informative and thought-provoking. I will return tomorrow to share my experiences with masturbation."

And with that, he left the room, leaving Troi a bit giddy at the strange picture that formed unbidden in her mind.

* * *

Poker night was a little different tonight. Riker could sense it from the body language of the other players. Particularly Geordi and Deanna, who kept exchanging strange looks and then promptly glancing away from each other. Even Worf was more flustered than usual. Crusher caught his eye at one point and he was glad to see the confusion at the others behaviour in her eyes as well.

Pity Data couldn't be there. Surely he would have said something to diffuse the tension.

"I fold," Worf said with a huff. "Why must we do this so often? It seems pointless the more Commander Riker wins."

Will smirked. "It's about the long game, Mr. Worf. In twenty to thirty years, I'm sure you'll have the net gain over me. Raise twenty."

Geordi tossed his cards to the middle with a sigh. "I think I'll turn in early tonight, maybe pick up some hours on the night shift."

"Me as well," Deanna mumbled, stretching in her chair. "Had a rather awkward appointment today and I believe I'm in need of a good beauty sleep." She finished with a pointed look to Geordi who looked down at his folded hand.

After a cursory glance to Crusher, Riker frowned. "Hey, what's the deal here? The two of you have been oddly awkward for the past two hours, now. And any time Data gets mentioned, you change the topic!" he added to Deanna.

Worf spoke up. "Wait! Are you also aware of Commander Data's…  _ personal _ issues?"

Deanna slapped her palm to her head, sighing at Worf's clearly unappreciated outburst. "Worf! Don't go telling people about it. Wait, what exactly did he say to you?"

Riker sat back, leaning towards Crusher as the two of them watched the others scramble for answers.

If Will was a less knowledgable man, he would have said Worf was blushing.

"Commander Data entered the bridge several hours ago as I was finishing my shift to… inform me that he…."

"Oh no," Deanna sighed, sitting back in her chair.

Worf sat up straighter. "It seems that you are aware of his… elaborate plans." 

"Okay," Crusher said, "Enough of this. What is going on with Data?"

Deanna began to say, "We really shouldn't," at the same time that Geordi began, "Data has been asking about—"

Worf's tone became sharp and he burst into a rant. "Data came onto the bridge, informing me  _ very loudly _ that he would not be on the night shift tonight, nor be able to attend poker because he…."

"He what?" Riker near-shouted, growing impatient of the secrecy. 

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Geordi snapped, "He's going to masturbate!"

There was a painful silence in which Riker went through several stages of shock. When he finally realized that neither Worf, Geordi, nor Deanna was joking, Crusher had already beat him in asking,

_ "What?" _

Deanna stood and walked to the door, clearly unwilling to take part in this discussion. "I trust that you all will keep this as quiet as possible. I really shouldn't be here for this as I am his therapist. Goodnight."

And she left in a flash but just before the door closed, Will swore he could hear a chuckle.

Beverly had many more questions, though.

"Is Data even capable of… that?" 

Geordi shook his head, sighing in resignation. "There's so much about him we don't know. Even basic bodily functions are a mystery when it comes to Data. Hell, I don't even know if he has the right… desires to even do  _ that." _

"But he does not have desires," Worf said, clearly uncomfortable with the whole discussion. "He does not have emotions at all. How can he experience pleasure?"

"I don't know about that, Worf," Geordi said, sitting back. "He may not have emotions in the conventional sense, but Data does have experiences that change how he sees things. He registers when people are being kind and when they aren't. Isn't that some type of emotion?"

Riker didn't particularly see the logic there, but he kept silent. As the night went on a little more quietly and the group slowly filtered out, he found himself hoping that Data's experiments went well for him. Perhaps it was because Data was his friend, but Riker thought it might have more to do with the fact that he prided himself on the belief that he appreciated pleasure more than the average guy.

Will Riker was all for self-love, nevermind if the person was an android or not.

* * *

Picard entered the bridge in the morning to a strange display. The only senior officer there was Counselor Troi, and she looked less than pleased to see him.

"Captain," she stood, a bitter smile on her lips. "A small fever has broken out amongst much of the staff. Doctor Crusher is currently treating Commander Riker and Mr. LaForge. Worf should be off-duty but I've called him to report to the bridge as we are short on staff."

"Very good, Counselor. Where is Mr. Data?"

She sat down as he did, suspiciously silent for a moment. "I am… not sure, Captain."

Well that was certainly very odd. Data always took the night shift near into the morning due to his inability to sleep. Picard usually found himself sitting upon a warm seat in the mornings as Data had been up all night.

He pressed his combadge. "Picard to Data, report."

No answer.

"Computer, where is Commander Data?"

"Commander Data is in his quarters."

At the same time Troi began to speak, "Captain, if I may—" Picard's communicator beeped and Data's voice came in.

"Here, sir. Reporting to the bridge now."

Picard looked to Troi for any hint of what the issue was. She seemed to be aware of something that Picard had no intention of prying her for. However, Data would certainly be expected to perform lengthy diagnostics on himself as to the cause of whatever malfunction resulted in his tardiness. Well, Picard thought that was the least he would order of him.

And then Data entered the bridge. And nearly everyone swivelled to look. Picard himself almost gaped.

Data stood in the entry of the Turbolift, staring at the empty viewscreen. His uniform was wrinked and not zipped properly and his pips were pinned very awkwardly on his collar. On top of that, his hair was not neatly combed into its usual perfect helmet. It was sticking up in random places as though someone had ruffled his head with fervor for several hours.

In usual Data fashion, none of this seemed to occur to him as strange, and he straightened his jacket and took position at navigation, rattling off a precise report that went in one of Picard's ears and out the other.

"Sir?" Data said, an expression of concern on his face. "Is there an issue, Captain?"

A muscle in Picard's jaw jumped and he stood, walking to the side of the bridge. "My ready room, Mr. Data."

They entered the room without a word and Data stayed standing, waiting for Picard to speak.

"Explain yourself," he spat, confronted by this new state of the android.

Data quirked an eyebrow. "I was under the impression that people wouldn't not want to hear details, Sir."

"What on earth are you talking about?" Picard said, temper slowly rising. "What is the meaning of all of this?"

Data sat down, looking what could only be described as wary. With one last look of confirmation, he set off into a lengthy explanation.

"I began having inquiries as to how humans experience physical pleasure. After failing to understand from literary materials, I went to Counselor Troi for advice. She suggested that I do some experimenting of my own with my sexual functions. Last night, I attempted to masturbate to reach sexual orgasm or any kind of physical pleasure. I was surprised by the results as I found myself wanting to continue repeatedly. Though I cannot feel, the only words I can use to describe the experience are that it indeed, 'felt good'. After much touching and stimulation of my primary sexual organ provided positive sensations, I began to explore the receptors in my anal cavity. At that time—"

"Data," Picard interrupted, filled with regret at not having done so much earlier. "That's quite enough, thank you."

Data nodded and remained silent, much to Picard's relief.

"Well," he finally said, "I must say, this is quite a bit to process."

Data nodded. "For me, as well, Sir. I am unsure what this means in terms of my ability to experience emotions. Is pleasure simply a sensation or do I have a basis for feeling that simply has not been explored yet?"

"Data," Picard raised a hand. "I am very… pleased that you are attempting to explore these features. However, as you superior and a starfleet officer, I must have you assure me that it will not interfere with your work."

The android nodded promptly. "Understood, Captain. I will no longer let this experimentation affect my performance."

Picard nodded, swallowing around the awkward lump in his throat that appeared during any conversation of such personal natures. "As of now, I suggest you return to your quarters for the rest of the day. Dismissed."

Data went for the doors but Picard quickly added, "Oh and Data. Perhaps keep the details you shared with me to yourself from now on."

Data nodded curtly and exited, leaving Picard wondering how exactly this train of thought had come to the android in the first place. Then nearly smacking himself across the head for asking such a question. Data was, after all, constantly seeking to gain humanity. It followed that this would be an eventual step in the process.

But it certainly wasn't one Picard was ready to deal with.

* * *

As Data returned to his quarters, he considered what this discovery meant for his future. If he was able to experience sexual pleasure, surely emotions were not that farfatched? If he was able to desire the experience of masturbation, was he able to desire other things?

Strange, that as he approached his quarters, the anticipation of the sensations of pleasure actually registered as what he could only describe as excitement.

Tearing off his uniform the second the doors closed behind him, Data sat on his bed and began to pleasure himself for the three-hundred and eleventh time in the past twelve hours and seven minutes.

Briefly, he wondered if his promise to Captain Picard of not letting this affect his work performance was in fact, one he could keep. More and more, Data was beginning to understand what it felt to be human the more he grew and learned and experienced. Surely there was much more human to him than he was able to acknowledge. It was just a matter of careful exposure and moderation to new things. Not getting swept away by the tide of new sensations.

Yet this entire thought process went by in the span of six milliseconds and the instant it ended, Data circled a hand around himself and fell back onto the bed, gasping at the touch.

**Author's Note:**

> i love Data with all my heart. i love writing dialogue for him. more to come. <3


End file.
